“One can truly, seriously promise to love only to the extent that whether we love is under our control. But we can affect whether we love. Love is not just a feeling. Part of what it is to love someone is to treat that person a certain way. Doing that is wholly in our power… To love someone and to continue to do it requires a certain directing of our thoughts and attention. If I sit and think about my wife, it is up to me to decide what I think about… It is all up to me, and if I think negatively often enough, I won’t have much of a marriage left. In promising to love my wife, I undertake to direct my very thoughts to that end – to dwell most on what is good in my wife and (as far as I can) think only charitably on the rest.”
